Many lives

I want to live, as a ponderous child
slept inside
crumpled hands on the Mongolian Steppes,
watching the morning sun graze
his grandmothers eyes,
and yellow the grassy mounds
on which sheep spread out
like dots on a Seurat,
and be lullabied by whistling winter winds,
carrying messages of war
the Khans would once sing.

I want to know,

that Georgia, where land was free
but people slaves,
the brutality that wilted lives,
know the men who thought this okay,
and then those that suffered---their tales,
their yearnings,
and that moment of elation, in her eyes,
when she first smeared a velvety red
on her luscious black lips,
and felt utterly gorgeous.

And if only I could live
atop girders held by cranes,
many hundreds of stories high,
peeking dizzyingly straight below
into an Indian megalopolis,
hidden under fog,
punctured like needles,
by megaliths of ambition,
a mirage over the misery,
if only I could cherish the moment
whence I knew my child was destined,
a different fate,
and the comfort it gave
my own dying dreams.

I wish I had more lives to live,
and some of them,
as an urban dweller in New York city ,
one window among many,
spilling yellow light onto bricks of red,
ensconced in the human menagerie,
foisted forward by coffee and time,
and lonely nights spent gazing
at TVs telling tales of storied lives,
living anonymously.   

Kartiek Agarwal. 

More birds of New Jersey

I spotted quite a few more birds and this time I took photos of them. These are the larger birds; maybe I'll take more photographs of the smaller ones and post them another time. I've also seen a few perfectly white terns around (actually I'm not sure what these are) but I haven't got a photo of that.  

A cormorant with a yellow beak and black body swimming with its head up. These guys like to live in one marshy part of the lake and then take flights/swims from their home base. Very beautiful birds, and I wish I had a better picture. 

Never seen such a pregnant Canada Goose before! 

A decent-sized hawk right outside my apartment window! This guy probably came to hunt some sparrows or rabbits



.

I really like this picture. It's the Great Blue Heron that's hiding amongst the vegetation there. Don't know how this came out such high quality compared to the others!

 

Great Blue Heron

For the past several months, I've been spotting a most amazing blue heron. Its color is like a pastel sea blue and its beak looks ridiculously sharp and long; wouldn't want to be at the end of that! Maybe I'll take a photograph of it. Its wingspan is about 5-6 ft. easily and it glides so gracefully 4-5 ft. above water, with its neck just swaying back and forth a little in harmony with the motion of its giant wings. There are other times it's flying higher up, closer to the tree line and then it really looks like a pterodactyl. It's really a most ominous, and yet magnificent sight.

It often does these rounds where it will fly right along one edge of the tow-path, I'm guessing its hunting. I don't know how far it flies one way, but judging by how it comes back on the other side in a matter of 3-4 minutes, I'm guessing it could be a mile that it flies before turning around. Yesterday I saw it just idling by the edge waiting for fish. It's been nervous around me before but this time it did not stir at all as I ran past it, although it did crane (:P) its neck in my general direction just to be sure. It's also possible there are two of them, a couple, and well that'd be dandy innit, if we got to see heron pups.

80s crime shows vs. now

80s America was so beautiful. When I watch the X-Files, or Twin Peaks, I'm just enthralled by how awesome everyone's (curly) hair and dressing sense was. So ideal. People had classic lives back then. Coffee, pie, and a sandwich for 6 bucks? Insane.

Also, watching Twin Peaks really reminded me of The Killing, which has got to be one of the best crime TV series ever. The plot and theme are very similar; it almost feels as if The Killing was directly inspired and even copied from Twin Peaks. Which makes the two ideal for a comparison between the 80s and the 2010s. So what's changed?

1) Characters are more troubled now.  Most characters in Twin Peaks live fairly happy average lives. They're scheming and cheating on their spouses, but somehow it feels like its not leading to much emotional turmoil. By contrast, Linden is a total sociopath. The Broadchurch lead, River, Luther---all broken lead characters. Shetland is an anomaly in this regard wherein the lead character is a truly average bloke. Also, most main characters don't have any sort of family to speak of in modern shows. Usually they are divorced, single, or pretending to be in their 20s when they're in their 50s. It all adds to the dreariness.

2) People were much more emotional back then. There was room for lines such as, "we need to give justice to xyz's life; she would've wanted us to do that; oooh Jimmy (woman saying)", etc. People also used to admit to being in love rather quickly/easily. Bikes were more popular. They were also called hogs. Piquant.

3) A lot more credence was given to spirits, mumbo-jumbo, Freudian dream sequences, and other gullible shit. People are far too calculating and clear-headed today. This is probably for the better? But it also means there's less room for creativity in script-writing.

4) Crime shows had a different pace. There were a lot more moments of respite from the gruesome details of the case. Humor was a big part of the typical crime thriller. Now it really isn't. I'm not sure where I stand with this. I think Twin Peaks does humor right. But The Killing makes a good case for the opposite.

5) The music was always cheery. There was jazz, swing, and "crime scene" jazz music which was still pretty upbeat. It was all kind of like Tom and Jerry; Jerry always got killed to some great jazz in the background.  The music now is by rule dreary, trance/techno/edm shit.

6) Visuals are more gruesome now. In some sense, this again helps in the immersion, and I actually prefer this if its done properly. The American Horror Story is a counter-example where IMO it goes too far at times.

7) Young adults gave a little more respect to their parents, although not much more.

8) Feminism was not a thing. You can't have good crime shows today without a top female lead, who also happens to be very feminist. This typically involves them banging a subordinate male. Take Gilian Anderson in The Fall, for example, which is also a series up there with likes of The Killing. Men were also much more alpha.

What else, hmm?

Wildlife in New Jersey.

Everywhere I've stayed previously: Moscow, Dubai, Singapore, Delhi, Kanpur and Boston have been cities. Princeton is therefore my first experience of suburbia, and I think I'm beginning to see the plus side to it. Yes you don't have the ability to walk out, take a tram and get yourself to a book store, or coffee shop and I very desperately miss the ability to go on long walks through city streets, and end up serendipitously at a cinema hall, or half drunk by a riverside. But there's another sort of amusement that opens up to you here.

Right in front of our home, there's a lake and this lake feeds the flora and fauna of the surroundings. I never realized before now how important water is to life. There are other parts of NJ that are also lush and get good rain but the lake is where you end up with a lot more wildlife. Just opposite to our home we have a small recess in the ground, and it is covered by dense shrubs and some trees. This spring, two little deer were born in this enclosure. They are always going around with their mother. They are really beautiful animals. Unlike the mother, their tail is really fluffy and white and they have many white spots on them.

Besides this, two tiny rabbits often come around to munch on the grass next to the patio, and fireflies make the little forest buzz with lights in the night. The rabbits can co-exist with the deer pretty easily and now they don't seem too afraid of us either. There are a few possums as well. The other night I even saw a red fox run away from our home as we were entering it! That's the cutest animal of the lot!

On the lake, there are families of swans and ducks. The geese are the most noticeable since they come out to land to shit and hiss. These assholes do still pop out fairly cute babies so it's all good, I suppose. They had dozens over springtime and they tend to form similar V patterns on the ground as they do in the air while eating grass. There are also turtles, who typically rest around on logs. I've not spotted snakes yet, but a shed snake skin was lying around in the grass close by.

My office has turned into a sanctuary for bird watching. All those trips to arboreta in Boston and elsewhere cannot replace this experience. The engineering quadrangle has, as quadrangles do, a central lawn area, only this lawn is very much a tiny forest with many big trees. I saw the most beautiful sight the other day as a huge number of Goldfinches sat around on a tree with yellow leaves. Only when the goldfinches moved (and there were many dozens on them on that one tree) could you see that the yellow on the tree was not just from leaves!

Deer living right across our home. 

There are also the usual suspects: warblers, pigeons, crows (I saw a fist fight between three crows a week ago!), and woodpeckers. I've also spotted two white-breasted nuthatches on the tree in front of me.

I so wish to record all this but one requires a really good camera to do so. Perhaps I should invest in one.

Increasing running speed is hard.

I tried to increase my running speed by a bit today but by 1.7 miles or so, I was feeling tired/breathless. I hobbled my way back home because when I stopped, the blood just rushed to my legs and it started paining really badly.

 It's also because of the mentality I suppose? I ran 10K yesterday and so I was happy to have it easy running 5K today. But increasing speed is not taking it easy and it mentally deflated me when I realized I was feeling tired at 1.7 miles. I sat down for a quick break but then my legs just got jammed. Perhaps I needed more rest and/or warming-up. Perhaps I needed to be mentally stronger. Perhaps it was the increased spread.

Still, the advantages to this are so much.

1) I feel my back is getting stronger. I laze around less and slouch less.
2) I breathe deeper, or at least I think I do. I'm guessing that's good.
3) My body is getting toned.

These are the overt changes occurring to my body, but I'm sure there are many things inside that are improving as well. Got to keep this up! :)

NOLA Montage / March Meeting 2017

Eating by the Mississippi. What a big ass river. Apparently the longest in the world after the Nile! 

French style homes? (Near hotel.)

The French Quarter. Sufficiently smelly to remind oneself of home. 

Weirdos throwing plastic beaded necklaces on the unsuspecting and/or participating crowds. 

The Preservation Hall. It's listed highly on TripAdvisor for Jazz performances in NOLA. Lines are 50 minutes long, and I can't say I was really bothered by the performance. There's gotta be something wrong if a supposedly good jazz band plays "Saints Go Marching In"! That said, the rendition of Louis Armstrong's "It's a wonderful world" was awesome. Some part of me still somehow remembered all the lyrics and I really enjoyed the romantic tone of the saxophone in the cosy atmosphere of the hall. 

Now this was fantastic. (At the 21st Amendment, on Ibervile street in the French quarter) I haven't heard the blues in a long long time since Saloni got me listening to Bollywood music again. Well this was just good. The guy played some Robert Cray, a version of Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry", and many other awesome songs. I've always loved my blues/jazz with the guitar, primarily, so this band with a guitar lead was just great for me. Especially when you have a good blues player who loves to tease you with solos. I feel like the blues, and especially good jazz are like Quantum Mechanics in action: there's a final destination, a final train you know you have to get on to, but you can do that via multiple paths and they all interfere, hopefully constructively to make harmony. And it's all about the tease. You almost reach the final destination, and you pull out. Play some more solo on your favorite scale, maybe go into an associated lydian mode just for additional tease, and then when you finally return to the basic riff, it's like an eruption of joy. And this guy was just amazing. Fuck me what I just wrote sounds like a porno. 

Python on Tree in Swamp. 

The tour of the swamp is such a nice experience here. Many of these houses got destroyed in the Katrina storm. Also, lots of Confederate flags, lol. Paraj and I could definitely sense a bit of coldness? from the tour guides as well. I guess this is as old-fashioned as the country can get! I think I get along with Trump supporters better. I had a great time joking with some on the flight back about how the North American Dog should be set as the most privileged birth in the Hindu cycle of re-birth/reincarnation. They just fucking melted and started telling me all their dog stories. 

The swamps are definitely beautiful/cool. 

More Swamps.

Hoods. It was fun going around town seeing these neighborhoods. 

Some of my friends also stayed longer and went to the plantations. I think this is an opportunity missed to see a really important/sad part of US history. The guys who went were totally shell-shocked by the violence and cruelty of the plantation owners. 

11K!

Today I ran 11K, or 6.8 miles in about 1 hour and 6 minutes. I feel really proud of myself! And this time, it did tire me out. But I want to go at it again already and do better.

The path was still a little muddy and soggy from the rains of yesterday and the day before so there were tricky portions to negotiate and maybe I could get speed improvements if I just ran straighter on a drier path. There was also a transition where segments of the running path are connected by a paved road and I got lost and had to go through a number of dead ends to get back on the running path. So again, room for improvement.

There are also a number of physiological changes that happen over the course of the run. At the 1 mile mark, my legs started to get fully into the activity; before that they were just not really "solidly with me"? At the 3 mile mark, I experienced a bit of back pain which almost made me consider stopping. But I was like, fuck that shit, it'll go away. All the pain goes numb in some time, this much running has taught me, and this one did too. At the 6 mile mark, I realized I was running too slowly, so I picked up pace. It wasn't a problem. But by the end of it, I really was tired. Over the course of the run, I saw the lake change to a river, and then to a woody marsh. It was nice. I Ubered back and the drive felt long; it was very satisfying to see how far I'd come! I even boasted about it to the Uber driver lol.

How to get better? I'm realizing that this is now starting to eat up my time in a big way. At the beginning, it was 10 minutes lol! But I do want to run at least a half marathon at some point. And I want to maintain that kind of fitness level for the rest of my life.

PS: Point to note: do not run after drinking. As intuitive as that sounds, alcohol does not make you run longer. I tried this yesterday and that was a massive fail with me slipping on the wetter mud and calling it quits.

PPS: Milind Soman and his mother are just really cool. After I saw his 75 year old mother running a half marathon in a sari and that too barefoot, I know anything can be achieved!

Running Longer and Faster!

Today I ran almost 4 miles non-stop, and I did that in about 38 minutes. Admittedly this is slow pace, but it's still a lot of positive change for me. And running now really feels like walking. It's just as easy.  I was also not tired or hurting at all by the end of it! When I reached home, I was like, this is just not enough, so I ran once around my apartment complex and that too at a much faster pace.

It just feels good. Although I think today might be a blip because I didn't get to run for almost a week and half because of back to back conferences. Or perhaps it was because I listened to the song Ambarsariya on loop!

Lake Carnegie

Snowed in and a little too mush,

dank for a run,

I sat by your steps instead,

listening to your sweet heart whisper

in a way I hadn't done,

and I realized I'd fallen in love with you.

Many minds have met,
haven't they?

on your snowy cheeks,
and many curious investigations of life,
borne fruit,
and others wilted and died,
trees have rustled in gentle winds
on your shore, and many suns set.

So timelessly drawn are you,
I realized I've fallen in love with you. 

But it's many hearts, not just mine, 

isn't it?
On the bench I sit it reads,
"installed 1942."
"for Daddy, who would have loved,
to have sat here".
Yes, many hearts strewn on your banks,
burning woody fires,
lit like rooms with glowing yellow filaments

and it's all by you. 

You'll be here forever, won't you?

I realized I've fallen in love with you. 

A new hero.

Ronnie O' Sullivan. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/30/follow-the-white-ball.

I relate to him. The stress, depression, the constant self-doubt. It's funny how I zone in on these kinds of people; it's like I'm naturally in tune with them. Every time I feel like I've found a person I really admire, it turns out that they are a depressed smoker. It's not even a joke. I like people who are intelligent and emotional/passionate at the same time, and maybe for this you need to be oddly pathetic and self-deriding. When I got obsessed with Faiz, it was easy to verify that he was a depressed smoker, then it was Van Gogh, in another age it was Stephen Fry, and now after watching many games of snooker: Ronnie O'Sullivan. Goes without saying I'm not a genius like Ronnie, but that doesn't change one thing that I've discovered for myself and one thing which is really helpful. Running beats smoking. When Ronnie says, "When I run, I don't ever feel like smoking but the last six weeks I haven't been able to... I was feeling sorry for myself and decided to start smoking again.", I totally understand.

I feel so much better running. I'm grossly out of shape so progress is easy. It's too soon to say how long I'll keep this up. It's only been 2 weeks since I started. I'm doing about 2 miles every day. Hopefully I'll keep increasing both speed and endurance and get myself to be like Ronnie.

Update: Today when I started to run, it became really cold and for 5-6 minutes it was snowing. By the end of it, my legs and head and hands were basically feeling frozen. It was awesome, and it makes you feel like you're like a yogi powering through your sense of cold lol. But, maybe it's not smart and I should've been dressed better and shorts and t-shirt.
Also, I need to understand how to fix pain. I don't stop because I'm out of breath. I stop because my left ankle feels sprained because of my flat foot. That's probably not good. I have to find a way to fix this.

Update 2: I bought new (FLAMING RED) shoes for better arch support and it did help, but not much. Also, I need to stop being obsessed with running the whole distance in one stretch. I could probably make faster progress if I just stopped a few times, and ran a lot more.

Update 3: I'm getting addicted to running. Every moment I don't have anything useful to do, I want to spend running.

Update 4: Today I felt amazing about my run. I ran about 2.3 miles but I wasn't even tired at the end of it. I really felt that I could have just kept on running and running forever, most certainly a 5K. I don't know why but it felt like I was past a phase transition today; it's like a point beyond which if you convince yourself mentally, and physically, that you just have to keep going on, you really can keep on running.
Why I stopped at 2.3 miles is of course because I try to set a length at which to turn around on the tow-path, and that kind of (but not really) sets how much I can run from my home and back. I just didn't realize that somehow I'd be so happy running today so I turned around near my usual point of turning around. And my shins/feet didn't hurt either: this time I ran with a combination of the red shoes that work like magic on my left foot, and the aqua blue shoes that work like magic on the right foot. :D It looks a bit silly. I mean, if I was a pro soccer player, it'd be cool, but I'm not. An old woman was walking calmly in the opposite direction to my run and she shot me the most hilarious smile ever like, "these young fashion-obsessed kids". Ma'am, it's a matter of practicality for me!

Some Rum and Four Seasons in One Day.

This past week was pretty enjoyable: good physics, cool results, and I came back home to practice a bit on the guitar. Ah it's been so long since I played the guitar. All my finger callouses were gone. But now they're back! And I recorded one of my old favorites: Four Seasons in One Day by Crowded House.

Could be much improved, of course, because I go off tune so many times. The issue is that I can't record both the guitar and singing at the same time using my stupid laptop microphone. It just doesn't work. The guitar begins to sound tinny. And it's just much easier to keep your tone/rhythm when you're playing along with the guitar. I need to figure out a way if this can be fixed.

A concise dictionary of Punjabi pop songs.

Living alone is terribly boring. That's a fact. I have just too much free time on my hands these days, and Saturdays and Sundays are especially useless. Although most of the time I work, there's always some time to enjoy and watch snooker or the great pottery throw down or listen to nonsensical Punjabi songs. So much so, that at this point I figured I should make a concise dictionary on the trends in Punjabi pop music.

Here's the most amazing and concise list that probably exists nowhere else on the internet. The aim of this list is to not to talk about various genres of pop or cheesy love songs but to highlight the most awkward themes in Punjabi music. And I'm absolutely honored to make this small contribution to the canon. So here goes nothing.

1. Punjabi kid in India finds his girlfriend is being arranged with a Punjabi guy in England/Australia/Canada/USA and is heartbroken.

Chief sub-themes: the foreign born Indian is an effeminate guy who can't speak Punjabi properly and the lead celebrates the breakup with lots of alcohol (Patiala Peg referring to, of course, a glass of whiskey filled to half glass.), preferably explaining that he was done with the girl anyway.

Special Mentions: Diljit Dosanjh with such great hits as Patiala Peg (Canadian boy marries his girl so he makes lots of Patiala Pegs and gets drunk) and Panj Taara (English boy marries his girl so he drinks lots of whiskey and dances).


2. Punjabi kid is a villager and he likes a girl from the city.

Chief sub-themes: There are many subtle variations to this theme, but some things stay common. Villager is a hard-working dude. Girl is a snob, who wears western clothes, wears sunglasses, and drives a good car. Girl is enchanted with villager dude, of course.

Special Mentions: Ammy Virk's Date (where he laments the girl's desire to go on a date since he hardly has time besides farm work), Preet Harpal's Law (where he says that it's not his fault that his Law-studying wife left law and became a housewife who gets bored cooking but what can she do---he's so cool and worth it after all), and Jassi Gill's Bapu Zimidar (he's too poor that all the money in his bank account is equal to one time meal for the girl. She likes him but he thinks she's too sleazy because he sees her playing basketball with another guy. Lame.)

3. Chiding the girl for wearing western clothes.

Special Mention: Navv Inder and Badshah's Wakhra Swag ("Girl, you throw your life after Gucci Armaani, and keep checking tags for brand names, come, let me show you what true style is. I'm a Jatt from Ferozpur, I never say anything that is illegitimate. Let me show you what true style is. My style is unmatchable". Right.) And forgot: Guru Randhawa's Suit (This has a whole section in English which is like, you're awesome whatever you wear, but you know you blow my mind in a sari, which is kind of really just true.)

4. The CAR. Especially if it's a Lamborghini/Jaguar/etc.

Chief theme: The CAR. The girl wants the car.

Special Mentions: Sukh-E's Jaguar (Girl gives love on condition of Jaguar; Sukh-E is cool though generally), Imran Khan's Amplifier ("Girl you're my woofer, I'm your amplifier." wtf. Must be said though this song is great to hear while driving. )

5. Cross-border Love.  Self-explanatory.

Special Mentions: Gippy Garewal's Lahore (all the pretty girls are from Lahore, Delhi, Chandigarh, of course...).

6. Girl cheats. This is surprisingly common in Punjabi pop.

Special Mentions: Pav Dharia's Bewafa AND Imran Khan's Bewaffa. How creative.

Now, let us not forget a lot of Punjabi pop songs are made by Indian and Pakistani immigrants settled in Canada, USA, England, and Australia. So how does this intense villager dynamic translate into the Western setting you ask? This brings another important category of important songs.

7. Race Relations. Self-explanatory.

Special Mentions: A-kay's Brown-Boi (lamenting how Indian girls in Toronto are going for white boys. Then he shows one such girl his Lamborghini and she's "wtf, made the wrong call going for the white guy", and then, too bad, there's even a girl inside the Lamborghini. Of course.), Pav Dharia's Gal Sun Ja (regarding dating an Australian girl.),  Yo Yo Honey Singh's Brown Rang (he only wants to date brown girls.)

8. English Punjabis who suddenly discover a love for their dying language.

Special Mentions: Jaz Dhami's Meh Punjabi Boli Ah ("I speak Punjabi". Intense video laments the split of Punjab, and a kid who only knows Punjabi script getting beaten by his teacher who wants him to memorize ABCD).


AND FINALLY, WHAT SHIT AM I LISTENING TO TODAY? Harry Sandhu's Backbone and Hornn Blow, and Pav Dharia's Heer Meri.  I'm positively ashamed for listening to this shit, but what they hey, it's entertaining enough.